Title: Closer by Degrees: Familiarity Notes: Many thanks to the wonderful auburnnothenna for her speedy beta and wonderful advice. As always, any mistakes are all mine.
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Elizabeth, who was sitting comfortable on her sofa, looked up from her glass of wine and raised her eyebrow. “Didn’t you ask me to spend some time and get to know him?” “Sure,” he replied, putting his hands on his hips and trying to act less rattled than he felt. For some reason though, he suddenly felt like pacing. “But I would have thought that a nice formal chat in your office would have been more appropriate. After all, we don’t really know that much about him, do we? Why take an unnecessary risk in meeting with him in private?” Elizabeth sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes, following his movement back and forth across her living room. “You trust him enough to want him on your team.” John stiffened up and stopped his pacing. He had a feeling this was going to be a long, difficult conversation. “Yes, but…” “So what’s the problem?” He sputtered. There were so many problems with this, he didn’t even know where to start. “Well, first off, he has terrible table manners.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes and got up off the couch. She came around to face him and leaned her hip against the edge of the armrest, studying him for a moment. John crossed his arms in front of his chest, uncomfortable with her scrutiny. “It’s not his table manners that I’m interested in,” she said casually. Some of the saliva in his mouth went down the wrong way and he doubled over coughing. “Are you ok?” Elizabeth asked, giving him a few hard whacks to his upper back. John took a moment to catch his breath and blink back the tears from his near suffocation. He could swear that there was some amusement mixed in with the concern on her face. “Ah…Yeah. Sorry. Must have caught something in my throat there.” She went into her small kitchenette and reached for a pitcher that was on the counter. After a moment, she came back and offered him a glass of water. He took the glass quickly from her, and chugged it back. She continued to look at him with concern until he put the glass down and came up for air. “Thanks,” he offered her weakly. Shaking her head, Elizabeth went back to sitting on the armrest of her sofa. “So what’s the problem?” she asked, a little too innocently. “I went to see him in the gym today. He’s an impressive fighter. I agree with you, I think he might be a valuable asset to your team.” Unfortunately, John knew exactly how impressive he was. He’d seen Ronon sparring with Teyla earlier. And though it had ended badly, he’d also seen the appraising look in Teyla’s eyes when she got up and rubbed her throat. It was a look he knew because sometimes, back on earth, women had given him that look; usually after learning that he was an Air Force pilot. It was a look that usually led to clothes being strewn across the floor and sheets getting tangled between two naked, slick bodies. He missed that look. The only looks he’d gotten recently were smug looks from Rodney, pitying looks from Teyla when she kicked his ass, and these strange, tension filled looks from Elizabeth after they survived mortal peril. None of which had so far resulted in strewn sheets and sweaty bodies. Then, of course, there were the almost touches that happened between him and Elizabeth when they passed each other reports, the exasperated sighs she gave him when he pushed her too far, the smile she gave him when he completed a job beyond her expectation, the hug she gave him when he returned from the Daedalus… It was enough to keep his stomach permanently tied in knots. It was like they were doing a silent dance back and forth. He understood that any relationship they had would be complicated – probably too complicated to even consider. After all, it couldn’t be just wild, passionate sex followed by a pleasant ‘thank-you very much, have a nice life’ speech. Elizabeth was a remarkable woman; smart, passionate, independent. And with the tiniest sliver of vulnerability that made him want to kill lots of Wraith, explode nuclear bombs into hive ships and do other daring deeds to keep her safe. Not feelings that were conducive for a one night stand. As for a more permanent arrangement, well, he’d learned from experience that for every beginning of a relationship, that was filled with excitement and promise, there was also an end, filled with bitterness and anger. He also knew that the bitterness and anger were usually all his fault. So really, they were better off never really starting. It was harder for him to screw up an almost-relationship than it was the real thing and this was one relationship he really didn’t want to risk messing up. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. The only problem with their unspoken arrangement was that though it was risk free, it also ensured that he had no idea if he was imagining it all. John randomly wondered if he could reprogram the Life Signs Detector to tell him. He was sure there must be some chemical imbalance that could be measured if she actually felt the same way. He quickly scratched that idea. He knew better than to try and mess with the Ancient technology. And he was going to be damned if he asked Rodney to do it. “John?” He looked up to see Elizabeth looking at him, and his heart did a little flip-flop. Damn her for rewriting the rules. This was supposed to be about them. Why was she making a complicated matter more complicated by inviting someone else to play along? “I just don’t think it’s appropriate for you to have dinner with him, alone,” he plunged along, unable to turn back now. “You’re in charge of this expedition; you can’t go having relations with just anyone. It could undermine your authority.” He hated playing this card, and from the look on her face, she wasn’t very happy either. Her lips came together in a thin, angry line. “Not that this is any of your business, John, but according to your logic, he’s one of the few people I could have a relationship with. He’s not yet a member of this expedition, so there would be no conflict.” “Yes, but if he joins my team--.” “If I thought he could be a valuable member of Atlantis, and I was interested in him, then hypothetically, couldn’t I just make him my personal bodyguard then?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Then it wouldn’t matter. My safety would be his primary concern, professionally and personally.” John tried to quell the burning jealousy in his stomach. “I thought that was my job,” he crossed his arms in front of his chest, mimicking her actions. They were skirting dangerously close to acknowledging their almost-relationship, and his heart was beating a mile a minute. It was a good thing he thrived on adrenaline and risk. “Besides, you’ve got it all wrong. If there was someone you were looking for, hypothetically speaking of course, then they should actually be a part of your team. And they should have a high security clearance – the highest in fact. That way in case you whisper any secrets in your sleep…” Elizabeth’s cheeks flushed a little at the suggestion. “You just said I couldn’t have a relationship with anyone from Atlantis.” “What I meant was, not just anyone.” John held his finger up in the air, committing himself to the course. Like trying to perform a high speed maneuver, he couldn’t second-guess himself now. He just had to apply more throttle and keep looking ahead. “You need to find someone who understands what you’re going through over here. Who understands all the wonders and dangers that we’re facing. At the same time, you need someone who understands discretion and who wouldn’t take advantage of the relationship with you. Ronon’s a good guy and all, but he’s about as discreet as a bull in a china shop. Not to mention the fact that he has the empathy of a door knob.” “So who do you suggest then, John? I’m curious. Rodney perhaps?” John sputtered and almost choked again. “What about Zelenka? He’s a nice guy.” John shook his head violently, his voice still trying to get past the Rodney suggestion. “Never mind. You know what, John? You’re right. I need to keep looking until I find someone who will still respect my authority outside of our relationship.” She looked at him pointedly, putting her hands on her hips. “Someone who would know me well enough to ask before inviting a stranger to join their team.” “You’re mad about that?” He exclaimed, finally clearing his throat. “But I knew you’d say yes.” She crossed her arms in front of herself, again, and glared at him. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? Hypothetically speaking, of course, it could never work between us. You already manipulate me to get what you want and we haven’t even…well, it doesn’t matter.” She waved her hand in dismissal and picked up the glass of wine that she’d left on her dining table. John took a deep breath to try and calm his thumping heart. She had just acknowledged the possibility of the two of them not working out which meant that at some time, she had considered, at least hypothetically, things working out just fine between them. She made a move to turn away and he was suddenly presented with the choice to follow or fall back. So, he did the only thing he could. He stepped forward into her personal space to stop her. “That’s not what I meant, Elizabeth, I swear. I know I do stupid things all the time, I like to think it’s part of my charm, but I didn’t mean for that to be one of them. Okay true, my asking Ronon to join the team might have been premature, I admit that, but I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into saying yes. I just know that you trust my opinion in these matters.” “I respect the fact that you’re the expert when it comes to military matters John, but the problem is, I don’t think you respect me as a leader. It’s like every conflict that we have is resolved by you doing what you feel is right and then trying to convince me of your solution, after the fact.” John desperately needed a moment to think before he messed this up irrevocably. He motioned to the couch and she followed and sat down next to him. “It bothered you when I said that I knew you’d say yes.” She nodded wearily. “I didn’t mean that I knew I’d be able to make you say yes. I meant that I understood what was important to you. The safety of this expedition. If Ronon can help protect Atlantis, if he can show us a weakness the Wraith have, then your people will be safer because of it. And your trust in me, made me venture that you’d trust my judgment that he’s worth the risk. I actually meant that comment as a thanks.” John ventured a small smile, as her expression softened a little. “A thank you for letting me understand you. For letting me in, for being one of the few people to ever trust me, especially after hearing all the stories that I’m sure people were anxious to tell you. And also a thank you for listening to my input. But mostly, it was a thank you for putting up with all my shit, and still allowing me to stay here. Because if you’d sent me packing any of the many times I put my foot in my mouth or otherwise made your life difficult, I wouldn’t have been able to know you well enough, to know that you’d say yes.” He looked up at her, and saw that she was staring directly back at him. Gently, she brought her free hand up and rested it on his cheek. “You are very valuable member of the team, John.” He couldn’t contain his lopsided grin. Her touch always shocked him with how nice it felt. “Does this mean I’m forgiven?” She gave him a small laugh, tracing his jaw line with her thumb. “Aren’t you always?” She was about to remove her hand, so he reached over and held it there with his own. It was the first time he’d ever intentionally touched her without imminent danger being involved, and he kinda liked it. His heart twisted as he felt her hand melt into his. “So when you were talking about us, hypothetically speaking, and said we haven’t even --, is there something in particular I can start with?” She raised her eyebrow again, her eyes warm. “I thought you were the expert in doing dangerous and insane things.” That was all the permission he needed. He started to lean forward, slowly moving his eyes down to her lips. He could smell the soft fragrance of shampoo that she used, and he could feel her breath on his face. He closed his eyes in anticipation as his lips approached hers. A sharp knock on the door made them jump apart. John gave her a nervous laugh as she looked around, obviously unsettled and then towards the door. “Come in,” she said, her voice betraying her a little. One of the Marines opened the door, rolling in a tray with several covered dishes. “Here’s your dinner, Dr. Weir.” She smiled and got off the couch, though John could swear she did so reluctantly. “Thank you very much. But I could have gone and picked it up myself.” The Marine smiled back. “Not a problem, ma’am. Sgt Bates asked me to drop off this report to Colonel Sheppard, so I was coming here anyways.” The Marine came over to the couch and handed John a disk. “Sir. Ma’am.” The Marine nodded to both of them and then left. John turned to Elizabeth and noticed that she was looking a little guilty now. “So how did he know I was going to be here?” She wheeled the cart over and he noticed that there were three plates on it. She shrugged nonchalantly, but the smile she gave him was still full of nervous energy. “You’re invited to dinner as well.” “And how did you know I was going to be here?” John asked, getting off the couch and eyeing her with new respect. He wasn’t used to getting beat at his own game, but he wasn’t as upset by it as he though he would be. She just smiled and poured some wine for him as well. “I had a feeling you’d come by to tell me what a horrible idea this dinner was.” He was right, she was crafty. He was beginning to understand why all the brass at Stargate Command treated her so carefully. “You did, did you?” He smiled and. moved closer. He cornered her with his body as she was setting the dishes on the table. “Remind me to stay on your good side, okay?” “Fair’s fair,” she whispered as he moved closer and leaned in again. “And all that talk about not being interested in his table manners?” Elizabeth looked up at him, bringing her face into perfect alignment with his. “Well, I’m not.” Crafty, crafty, crafty. He lowered his head towards her again, and was just about to finally kiss her when a loud bang hit the door. Ronon entered without waiting for any acknowledgement, giving John barely enough time to jump a safe distance away. Again. He had a feeling that everyone in the room could hear his pounding heart, though. Ronon looked about and then sauntered over to the table. Without waiting for an invitation, he took the lid off a dinner plate and sniffed the contents. Then, picking up a green, vegetable-type-thing, he stuck it in his mouth and looked at them expectantly. The silence continued for a moment and John debated whether or not he could finish moving discreetly out of Elizabeth’s personal space. Ronon just kept looking at them, but his mouth had started to curl into a knowing smile. John looked back to Elizabeth. She seemed to be trying to compose herself, but her cheeks were a little flushed, giving her away. In fact, he had the distinct impression that they looked like two high school kids caught behind the bleachers. “I can leave,” Ronon said, with his usual lack of tact. Elizabeth quickly shook her head. “No, please Ronon, stay. We were just setting the table.” She turned quickly to John, and mouthed the word sorry. Ronon snickered, but he crossed his arms and stayed exactly where he was. John had to step awkwardly around the tray to get to the other place setting. As they settled into their seats, Elizabeth lifted her glass and proposed a toast. “To new friends and old. Allowing people into our lives is never easy, because it always carries some risk, but often times, the risk pays off a thousand-fold.” “Here-here.” John replied, lifting his glass up and meeting Elizabeth’s eyes. They sparkled knowingly, and John found himself waiting impatiently for them to be alone again. Of course knowing his luck, the Wraith would take that exact moment to attack. He had a feeling this was going to be a long dinner. Ronon instead, took the toast as a sign to chug his wine. As he set his glass down on the table, he let out a loud belch and then wiped his mouth with his sleeve. A very, very long dinner. Most of the meal passed in silence, with Ronon grunting responses to the questions either him or Elizabeth could come up with. Ronon’s only contribution to the conversation was when he asked John if he was done when pushed his plate away. “Be my guest,” John said, sliding his plate towards Ronon, who quickly helped himself to the rest of John’s green, vegetable-type things. Silence settled again as he and Elizabeth gave up trying to make conversation and watched Ronon finish whatever food was left on the table. John tapped his fingers impatiently on the table causing Ronon to look up from his food. “Are you in a hurry?” he asked with his mouth half full. “No, no,” John lied, forcing his hands to lay flat. “Just a bad habit of mine. So I assume you’ve been making yourself at home here on Atlantis?” Ronon grunted noncommittally, and stuffed his mouth again. John looked over to Elizabeth and mouthed the words I told you so. Eventually, the food disappeared, and Ronon put his utensils down, looking at least momentarily sated. Relieved, John was about to come up with some kind of conversation to close the evening down, when right on cue, the alarm sounded around Atlantis. John slumped his head down onto the table. Life just wasn’t fair sometimes. The loud speaker quickly informed them of an unscheduled off world activation. “John,” Elizabeth called out to him unnecessarily. Both her and Ronon had jumped up from the table and started making their way to the door. “I know, I know,” he said, getting up. “I’d just like to go on record saying, I knew this was going to happen.” Elizabeth spared him a knowing look before turning towards the door, leaving John to sigh as he unhooked his pistol from the holster on his belt. He had a feeling it was going to be a long, long night. ~~~ 1/1
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