Title: First Impressions |
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Chapters 26-30 |
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Chapter 26 “I guess that would be a good place to start,” Vaughn says, running a hand through his hair. Sydney tries to stay calm as she prepares herself for what she’s been waiting years to hear. “When your dad came over that night, I was all ready to follow you back to the States.” “Then he must have said something pretty convincing to change your mind, because you had done a complete turnaround by the time you came to our hotel room,” she says, remembering his cutting words. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly. “I felt I needed to say those things for you to let go of me.” “Why would you want that?” Sydney asks. “Because of what your dad told me,” he says. Sydney waits for him to continue. “He told me the truth.” “What truth?” Sydney asks, frustrated that this is taking so long to come out. She’s waited years, and now that he is finally there in front of her, ready to explain, she is impatient for him to get on with it. “The truth about the CIA, SD-6, all of it. He told me that by being with you, I was threatening your life.” Sydney is stunned. She never thought in a million years that that was what her dad had spoken to Michael about. She always figured that he’d threatened him, or that he’d made him realize that she was just a conquest for him. But not this. “Why would it be dangerous for us to be together? I wasn’t with SD-6 yet, you weren’t with the CIA… I don’t understand.” “No, Syd, you weren’t with SD-6, but your dad was,” he stresses. “And I wasn’t with the CIA, but my dad was a CIA agent, and your dad was afraid that if Sloane found out about us and made that connection, that your dad, and you, would be compromised. It turned out that Jack should have been more worried about Sloane recruiting you, but he was worried about you, Syd.” “Wait, your dad was CIA?” Sydney asks in surprise. She remembers Vaughn telling her that he was in law enforcement, but she didn’t know he was actually a member of the intelligence community. “Yeah, what kind of coincidence is that?” Vaughn asks wryly. “I know I told you he was in law enforcement, but that was my easy way of explaining things. I didn’t think it was important.” Sydney shakes her head, trying to make sense of it all. “Why would my dad risk your life by telling you all that? You were a civilian, why would he tell you about SD-6?” “As of that night, I wasn’t a civilian,” he explains. “Jack recruited me. He told me that I had two options. One was to not have any contact with you, but be able to receive information about you and make sure that you were okay. The other option was to never see or hear about you again. He said that he would make you disappear if I so much as tried to call you. I chose the lesser of two evils, which meant joining the CIA.” Sydney looks away from him, trying to absorb everything he has just told her. She doesn’t know what to make of this information. She’s still incredibly angry with Vaughn, and her father. They had no right to make decisions regarding her without any knowledge on her part. “So, you’re saying that you joined the CIA for me?” she asks, somewhat dubiously. “Yes,” he says firmly. There’s a long pause and Michael shifts in his chair. “There was something else as well.” “What was that?” Sydney asks, unsure of whether she wants to know. “He told me that I would be able to find out what happened to my dad. When he died, they told us nothing. But Jack promised that by joining the CIA, I would be able to investigate it; I would be privy to any information that they had.” “Oh,” Sydney says. “Have you found anything out?” “No.” “Oh,” she says again, not knowing what else to say. They are quiet once again and Sydney’s mind is reeling. She thinks back to all the terrible things he said to her in the hotel room in Slough. Knowing that he only said them to make her let him go eases her pain a little, but not completely, and she’s not sure how quickly she’ll be able to forgive him for that. “So…” she begins, not sure if she should ask the question or not. She is fairly certain of the answer now, but the eighteen year old girl inside her with the broken heart needs to hear him say it. “So you really did love me?” Vaughn closes his eyes and his face tightens up in a look of anguish. “Yes Syd,” he says, opening his eyes to look into hers. He reaches out to take her hands in his. “Yes.” Sydney indulges herself by letting her hands rest in his for a moment, but her mind wanders to the photograph sitting in his office. The pretty blonde woman that he has his arm around. She wonders about her; whether she’s his girlfriend or his wife. He could very well be married by now. She doesn’t see a wedding band, but that doesn’t mean anything. Many agents don’t wear wedding rings. “But,” she says, withdrawing her hands, “You moved on.” Vaughn straightens up in his chair and sighs. “You mean Alice,” he says, a statement rather than a question. “The woman in the picture in my office.” “Yes,” Sydney says. “Yes,” he says, nodding. “I started dating Alice shortly after you started dating Danny.” Sydney looks at him, stunned. “Like I said, I’ve always known what’s gone on in your life. When you went to college, when you joined SD-6. That was hard to deal with. I wanted to help you, to come to you and tell you to get out. But it was too late. The only person more anguished about it was your father.” He pauses, and then quietly continues. “I knew about Noah, and I knew about Danny. Finding out about them was almost as hard as finding out about SD-6. Almost.” “I’m sorry,” she says quietly, and she’s surprised to find that she actually means it. “Does that mean that you forgive me?” he asks quietly. “I don’t know, Michael,” she says honestly. “You called me Michael, that’s a good sign,” he says, smiling. “Vaughn,” she says, not letting him off so easily, “I’m really confused right now. In the last few months, my life has been completely turned upside-down. Everything I thought I knew turned out to be a lie. Just when I was finally learning to accept that, I see you and you take what was left and skewer it. I’m not saying that it was better not knowing the truth, just that I’m confused. I need time to think.” “That’s understandable,” he says. “I’ve got to go,” she tells him, standing up and putting her backpack on once again. “I’ve got class in half an hour.” “Okay,” he says, nodding seriously. “We’ll be in contact.” Sydney nods silently and leaves the bloodmobile. As she steps down from the van, the sudden onslaught of sunlight, along with the bombardment of information she’s just received combine to make her feel a little dizzy. She stops for a moment. “Hey,” a passing voice rouses her. It’s a guy from her Medieval Lit class. “See you in class.” “For sure,” she says, forcing a smile. Then she pushes away the thoughts of everything she’s learned in the last hour, skillfully compartmentalizing them, and walks in the direction of her class. Chapter 27 Sydney sits on her couch, unpacking a box. She pulls out a couple of books and lovingly fingers one of the spines. They were her mother’s, and she’s always cherished them. The thought of her mother leads her to her father, but she’s been pushing thoughts of him away all day. Instead she did her job, detailing her Moscow mission on a brown paper bag and depositing it into a trash can for the CIA to find. But now she’s home, waiting to be briefed of her counter-mission, and the thoughts she’s been burying are pushing their way to the surface. Not only thoughts about the conversation she had with her father, but the one she had with Michael this morning. Michael. She wonders when she lost her resolve to be professional and refer to him as Vaughn, even in her thoughts. She takes it as a sign that she is beginning to forgive him, beginning being the operative word. She’s got a long way to go before she will completely forgive him, whether he acted in what he believed was her best interest or not. He caused her a few years of pain, and that’s hard to let go. But it’s not Michael or their past that’s bothering her so much now. Those wounds are old. Painful, but old. Fresher wounds are hurting now. Her dad knew about Danny. She was shocked when Sloane led her to the room where her dad waited, which was an appropriate response given the circumstances. There were so many things that she wanted to talk to him about since she discovered his involvement with SD-6 and the CIA, the instrumentation of her break-up with Michael being one of them, but one question was of the utmost importance. And when she asked that question, and got the answer she dreaded, all other questions fell aside. He knew about the orchestration of Danny’s death, and he did nothing to stop it. She slapped him and told him never to speak to her again and left the room. And so stands their relationship, fractured as always. By rote, she is continuing to unpack the cardboard box in front of her. Tears are beginning to blur her vision, but she feels that she must keep busy. She picks up something wrapped in newspaper and gently unwraps it. It’s a framed photo of Danny and her, smiling and happy. Sydney drops the photo back into the box and sobs. She tries to hold back, to push the feelings back inside, but it’s too late. She’s mourning. She’s mourning for Danny, and Michael, for the relationship she’s never had with her dad, and for the betrayal that she seems destined to experience over and over again. The phone rings, and Sydney is tempted to let it go to voicemail. But her sense of duty is too strong, and she’s waiting for her counter-mission. She pulls herself together enough to get up off the couch and walk to the phone. “Hello?” she asks shakily. “Joey’s Pizza?” the voice asks. “I’m sorry, you’ve got the wrong number,” she says. She hangs up the phone and heads to the bathroom. She looks at her reflection in the mirror and is dismayed by what she sees. Her eyes are red and puffy, and her face is splotchy from crying, but it’s the look in her eyes that concerns her the most. She washes her face and tries to put her professional mask on, but that mask can’t hide what’s behind her eyes - the look of a broken woman. “It’ll have to do,” she says, walking out of the bathroom. ~~ Sydney walks into the convenience store and sees Michael at the far end of the store, looking at cookies. She walks to the beverage cooler opposite him. “It’s me,” she says, opening the door and pulling out a bottle of V8 Splash. “How you doin’?” he asks, not looking at her. “How am I doing? I’d say things have been better.” She could list off the ways that things could be better, but she won’t. Instead she focuses on the mantra she has had running through her head since she left her place. Calm, cool, professional. Calm, cool, professional. “I heard Sloane had you meet your father,” Michael says. No, please, Sydney thinks, Please don’t bring this up. Calm, cool, professional. “Yes he did,” she answers. Then changing the subject, “so what’s my counter-mission?” “Navour's been on our short list for the past six months. In August, he attempted to purchase a nuke from Libya.” “You already knew about Moscow?” Sydney asks. “No, we didn’t. So thank you for that,” he says. “Don’t mention it,” she replies, shutting the cooler door and moving to stand beside him. “That was cold. So what’s my move?” “Carry out your assignment. Get the documents. When you get back, make sure you are carrying the stolen files.” Michael walks over to the Slush-o machine and starts pouring himself one. “We’ll execute two brush passes at the airport terminal. The first one will take place at the gate. We’ll intercept the materials, create a duplicate copy, then return them to you in a second pass to be executed at the airport curb.” “That’s it?” she asks. “That’s it. Want a Slush-o?” “No thank you.” “They’re delicious.” “No thanks, I said I was cold.” Calm, cool, professional. “Good luck,” he says, looking directly at her for the first time. She sees the genuine concern in his expression, and it almost breaks through her façade. Calm, cool, professional. She doesn’t answer him afraid her voice will betray what she’s really feeling. So she just walks away, feeling his eyes on her as she does. Sydney gets outside the store and collapses against the brick wall. She covers her mouth with her hand to stifle the sob that escapes. She knows she has to move. She can’t draw attention to herself, and she can’t be caught by Michael. She hears the chime of the door and glances over. Too late. “Syd?” he asks, touching her arm. “Are you alright?” She nods, looking away from him. She pushes away from the wall and starts walking in the direction of her place. “Sydney, wait,” Michael says, reaching out and taking her arm. “What’s going on?” “What’s going on?” she repeats incredulously. “What’s going on? How can you ask me that, everything is going on!” She’s nearly hysterical, and she sees Vaughn looking around, worried that they’re causing a scene. “Come on,” he says, leading her to his car. He opens the passenger door for her and she gets in. She doesn’t really want to be there, but she’s coherent enough to know she can’t be seen having a nervous breakdown in front of a convenience store. Or with Michael. He gets into the drivers side and starts the car. “What are you doing?” she asks, surprised. She figured that she would just sit here until she was composed enough to walk home. “Taking you home,” he says, backing the car up and turning around. “You can’t, it’s being watched,” she tells him. “Alright, then I’m taking you to my place.” Chapter 28 “What?” she asks, shocked. “No, I can’t go to your place. It’s not safe.” “It’s as safe as meeting in the open at a convenience store,” he says. Sydney doesn’t know what to say. Part of her wants to argue with him, but another part just wants to let him take care of her for a little while. Part of her just wants to talk to someone, and he’s the only person, other than her dad, who knows the whole story. “What about… what’s her name, Alice?” she asks. “Uh, what about her?” Michael asks, confused. “She won’t be there?” “Oh,” he says, comprehending. “No, we don’t live together.” “Oh,” she says, the question of whether they’re married having been answered. After a few minutes, they pull into a small apartment complex. Sydney sees Michael scoping out the area before leading her to an apartment on the bottom floor. He opens the door, and she follows him inside. He leads her into the living room and to the couch. She sits down, sinking into the soft brown leather. It’s nice, but then Michael always did have good taste. And, unless things have changed, he’s got plenty of money to throw around from his days working in the Silicon Valley. If she were a less distraught, she could take in the details of his apartment, but she feels shattered. “Okay, Syd,” Michael says, sitting down next to her. “Okay what?” she ask wearily. “I want you to talk to me,” he says seriously. Sydney sighs, leaning her head back against the couch and closing her eyes. As she does, a few unshed tears threaten to fall. She squeezes her eyes tighter to stop them. “Maybe I shouldn’t have dumped everything on you this morning,” Michael mutters. “You’re going through a lot, and I go and add to it.” Sydney shakes her head and opens her eyes to look at him. “No,” she says. “I wouldn’t have wanted you to keep the truth from me any longer. And besides…” She stops, unsure of whether she really wants to get into this. Michael doesn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue. “That’s not really what set me off. It was a lot to take in, but…” “But something else happened?” Michael asks when she doesn’t go on. Sydney nods and closes her eyes again. She’s working hard not to start crying again, and a pained expression crosses her features. “My dad knew that Danny was going to be killed, and he did nothing to stop it,” she says quickly, afraid that if she doesn’t get it out in one breath, she wouldn’t be able to at all. She doesn’t open her eyes to see Michael’s reaction, but she hears his breathing catch and knows that he is surprised. You don’t know Jack Bristow as well as you thought, do you? she thinks. “Syd,” he says, sympathy in his voice. “Don’t, Michael, just… I need a minute.” She still has her eyes closed, and she’s fighting the sob that is rising inside. Michael reaches over and touches her arm, and she loses the fight. The sobbing begins, and she loses herself to it. When she starts to calm down and become coherent, she realizes that Michael has his arms wrapped around her and is making soothing sounds. It’s all wrong, she’s here mourning Danny, but it feels so good to be in his arms. She looks up at him, her face still wet with tears. “Michael,” she says, the pain evident in her voice. Then she does something that surprises her – she kisses him. She kisses him, unleashing all the grief, frustration, and pain that she’s feeling. She pushes him back against the couch and straddles his lap. Thoughts of Danny rush into her mind, but she ignores them. She needs this. “Sydney,” he says, pushing her slightly away. “We can’t do this. It’s not right, there’s a million…” “Michael,” she says, cutting him off. Her look pleads with him, telling him that she needs to lose herself right now, and she needs him to do that for her. “Please.” Michael looks at her, a look of anguish on his face. He pulls her face to his, resting their foreheads together. Then he pulls away and uses his thumbs to wipe the tears from her face. He’s looking at her like he’s unsure of what to do next, so Sydney closes the gap and kisses him again. She wonders if he’ll push her away again, but he doesn’t. Instead he deepens the kiss. He pulls the elastic from her hair and threads his fingers through it. Sydney lets herself go, throwing herself into the kiss and the feel of Michael’s hands on her as they begin to roam over her body. Danny’s face flashes through her mind, but she clenches her eyes shut and pushes it away. She doesn’t want to think right now. She doesn’t want the pain, or the grief. She doesn’t want to think of all the ways she’s been betrayed. All she wants to do is feel. All she wants is to forget. Sydney feels herself being lifted up off the couch, and with her legs wrapped around his waist, Michael carries her to his bedroom. ~~ Sydney lies in Michael’s bed, crying quietly. Michael is asleep beside her, his arm draped over her waist. She wipes the tears from her face and tries to move his arm without waking him. She tiptoes out of the bed and silently puts her clothes on. She can’t believe what she’s done. It was stupid and reckless. “Leaving?” Michael asks, his voice gravelly. Sydney turns around and looks at him, her guilt and sorrow evident on her face. Michael notices and he buries his head in his hands. “Oh God, Syd, I’m sorry.” “For what?” she asks, surprised. “I… I shouldn’t have… we shouldn’t have…” “Michael,” she says, cutting him off, “you have nothing to apologize to me for. I mean, I practically begged you.” She turns away from him, ashamed. “Syd, no. Don’t beat yourself up for this. You were in no condition… I should have been the one to put a stop to it. I’m sorry.” Sydney just shakes her head. She sits down in a chair in the corner. Guilt has wracked her since she woke up. She feels like she has cheated on Danny, betrayed his memory by falling into someone else’s bed so quickly. Of course, Michael isn’t just anyone, which is another source of guilt for her. He did this for her, because she needed it, and now he’s got to deal with the repercussions. He is in what seems to be a serious relationship, and she knows that he’s not the kind of man who would usually betray a woman this way. Now he has to carry that burden, and Sydney blames herself. She knows that he is a grown man and has the ability to make his own decisions, but after learning of the sacrifice he made to keep her safe all those years ago, she also knows that there is little, if anything, that he would deny her. For this reason, she thinks it would be better to distance herself from him. “I’ve been awake for awhile,” she says, looking away from him, “and I’ve been thinking. I… I don’t know if it’s a good idea for us… I think maybe someone else should be my handler.” “What?” Michael asks, sitting up a little straighter. “No, Syd… look, I’m sorry that this happened. But we can get past it, we can work together!” “I don’t think so,” Sydney says quietly. “Syd, please, reconsider this!” “Michael, we just have too much history. I just think it would be better,” she says, standing up. “I have to go. I leave for Moscow in the morning.” “Yeah,” Michael says, looking down. “Can you arrange for a new handler for me by the time I get back?” she asks, reaching his bedroom door. “If that’s what you really want.” “It is.” Michael nods and looks at her seriously. “Bye,” she whispers, and turns and walks away. Chapter 29 It’s been almost a week since she returned from Moscow, and Sydney still hasn’t heard anything about a new handler. Michael did the brush pass at the airport, which made sense; anyone else and she wouldn’t know who to look for. But she had expected to hear something by now. She’s getting a little anxious at not being contacted for so long, and she’s curious about her new handler. Sydney has been thinking about Michael almost constantly since the night they spent together. Even on her mission to Moscow, thoughts of him consumed her all the way there and back. She is still confident in her decision to distance herself from him, but it doesn’t make it any easier. He just came back into her life, and already she’s having a hard time being away from him. But that scares her, and it only confirms that she did the right thing in asking for a new handler. She tried to call her father this morning. She thought that he might know why she hasn’t been contacted, but he dismissed her in the same way he’s been doing since she was a little girl. She asked him if they could meet for dinner, but he said that he was too busy. Given that their last discussion was a heated exchange about his knowledge of Danny’s death, she would have thought he would have welcomed the opportunity to discuss things. Sydney certainly wants to discuss the matter with him. Since Will told her about the flight to Singapore, she has suspected that her dad arranged it. That’s another reason that she was hoping they could meet. The phone rings and Sydney gets up to answer it. “Hello?” “Joey’s Pizza?” ~~ Sydney walks into Raja Cuisine and gives her name to the host. He leads her into a private room at the back of the restaurant, and is surprised to see Michael sitting at the table. “What are you doing here?” she asks, sitting down opposite him. “I wanted to make sure there was a smooth transition with your new handler, he’ll be here in a bit, and…” he breaks off, looking down at his hands folded on the table, “and I wanted to talk to you about what happened before you left for Moscow.” “Michael,” she says, shaking her head. “I said all I needed to say.” “That’s fine,” he says, his forehead creasing with concern, “but I didn’t.” “Okay,” Sydney says quietly, thinking that after the way
she treated him, it’s only fair to “First of all, I want to tell you that I broke up with Alice.” “Michael, you shouldn’t have done that,” she says, sighing. “It won’t change anything.” “That’s not why I did it. I just realized that…” he
pauses and runs a hand over his face, “I wish you wouldn’t,” Sydney says, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes. “Wouldn’t what?” “Feel the way you do.” “I can’t help that,” he says, sitting back in his chair. “I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you, Syd.” “Michael…” “And I know that it’s not the same for you,” he says, cutting her off, “I know that. How could it be with the way I ended it? Of course you moved on. I’m glad you did.” Sydney doesn’t know whether she should tell him that he’s wrong. His admission that he’s always loved her both thrills and dismays her. She can’t help the joy that she feels having heard him say that, but she also feels a strong sense of loyalty to Danny. And with everything that has happened since his death, she feels that she doesn’t have a strong capacity to love right now. She decides to tell Michael the truth. “You’re right, I did move on. I loved Danny, I still love Danny. I was going to marry him, and eventually I was going to leave SD-6, start teaching, and have a family with him. But…” she pauses, her stomach churning, “but that doesn’t mean that I ever stopped loving you.” Michael had been looking down, nodding as she spoke, but with her last sentence he looks up at her in surprise. “It didn’t make me love Danny any less. I never thought that I would ever see you again, you were a part of my past. You were unattainable, the one that got away. And now you’re back in my life and I…” “You what?” he asks quietly. “I can’t deal with the implications of that right now. I’m still grieving for Danny,” she says. “I’m still wearing his engagement ring.” She looks down at her ring finger and sees the diamond sparkling back at her. She usually takes it off before she attends anything work-related, but in her anxiety about her new handler, she forgot. “I understand that, Syd.” “So what can you tell me about my new handler?” Sydney asks, changing the subject. She leans back in her chair and folds her arms across her chest, falling into work-mode. “Ah,” Michael starts, a strange look coming across his face, “not much, really. I think that it would be better for me not to say anything.” “What do you mean by that?” she asks. The look on his face concerns her. “Do you not like him?” The thought of Michael setting her up with an incompetent handler to make her appreciate him crosses her mind, but she quickly dismisses it. He would never put her in harm’s way for the sake of his ego. “Look, Syd,” he says, sitting up a little straighter and leaning towards her, “whether I like him or not is not an issue. I didn’t set this up. To be perfectly honest, I think it’s a bad idea, but it came right from the top. Actually, when I went in and said that you had requested a new handler, Devlin told me that it was already in the works. It seems that you weren’t the only one who thought that it wasn’t a good idea for us to work together.” “Okay,” Sydney says, confused. The door opens and Sydney begins to stand up to meet her new handler, but limply sits back into the chair when she sees who it is. “Dad?” Chapter 30 “Hello Sydney,” Jack says solemnly. “What are you doing here?” she asks, nervously anticipating the answer. The thought of her father being her handler makes her head ache. Their relationship has never been very stable, and she doesn’t know if she will be able to force herself to accept his authority. What once was absolute now waivers, fueled by years of resentment. Not a good start for an agent-handler relationship. “I’m going to be your handler,” he says, confirming her suspicions. Sydney looks at Michael, and his expression tells her that he’s helpless in this situation. As he said before, the decision came down from the top. “But you’re in the field. How can a field agent be a handler to another field agent? I thought it wasn’t allowed.” “It isn’t, normally,” he says, still standing. “But under the circumstances, Devlin decided to make an exception.” “It doesn’t make any sense, Dad,” Sydney says, shaking her head. “I put in a request for a new handler because of the personal relationship I once had with Agent Vaughn. Obviously, I have a personal relationship with you as well.” “The CIA figures that the relationship between a father and daughter is not as volatile as a relationship between a woman and her ex-lover,” he says icily, glancing at Michael. “Well that’s not really true with us, is it Dad?” she asks, matching his tone. “Sydney, this isn’t up for discussion,” he says harshly. “Jack,” Michael says, standing up, “why don’t you sit down? I’m going to leave you two alone.” “I’m not staying,” Jack says. “Dad, please,” Sydney says, rising as well. “We have a lot to talk about.” “I don’t have a lot of time, Sydney,” he says condescendingly. “Yeah, well that’s the story of my life.” Jack stares at her, his face unreadable. Finally, he sits down in the chair that Michael had previously occupied. “Fine,” he says. “Okay,” Michael says, moving toward the door. “I guess I’ll… I’ll see you later.” He’s looking at Sydney as if he doesn’t know if what he’s just said is true or not. Will he see her later? She doesn’t know. Other than a personal one, she can’t think of a reason that would bring them together, and she has made clear that she’s not ready to deal with that right now. The moment would probably be more poignant if her dad wasn’t sitting there, watching them like they’re under surveillance. “Goodbye, Michael,” she says simply. He leaves, his expression one of sadness and regret. Sydney turns from the door and sits back down at the table. She doesn’t really know how to start the conversation with her dad, so she looks away from him, toward the window. A burgundy paper shade is pulled down to block the view of both curious and nefarious onlookers, but little slivers of light frame its edges. “Sydney, I really don’t have a lot time,” Jack says, drawing her attention back to him. The light has left an imprint on her eyes, casting a black frame around her dad’s head. “What is it that you want to talk about?” “Well,” she says, “First of all, I owe you an apology.” She waits for him to ask what the apology is for, but he doesn’t. He just stares blankly at her, so she continues. “For slapping you.” He still doesn’t say anything, but his expression softens a bit. “I know about Singapore. Dad, you arranged that for Danny, didn’t you?” “Yes,” he says, after a moment’s hesitation, as if unsure of whether he should be telling her. She doesn’t understand why he would hide something that would redeem him in her eyes. “You were in Taipei. I had arranged a flight for you as well. From Singapore you could have gone anywhere.” Sydney feels the familiar burning behind her eyes and clenches them shut to stop the tears. “I went to Danny’s apartment,” he continues, “except that I got there too late. Just minutes too late.” His expression is still stiff, but there’s something in his eyes that makes Sydney feel a tenderness for him that she hasn’t felt in years. “Thank you,” she says softly, wiping away the tears that have escaped their stronghold. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Sydney, if there’s one thing that I’ve learned, in…” he pauses, as if searching for the right word, “losing your mother, it’s that people will deal with grief in their own way, and come to realizations in their own time. You can’t guide them.” “But I might never have found out,” she contradicts. “You would have.” Sydney notes the finality in his tone and realizes that as far as he’s concerned, the subject is closed. She apologized, he told her the truth, and she thanked him, so she allows the matter to drop. There’s silence once more, and Sydney expects her dad to remind her again that his time is valuable, but he doesn’t. It seems that he’s waiting for her to bring up her next concern. She has many, but she doesn’t really want to ruin the moment they’ve just shared. It’s not saying much, but it was probably the most tender he’s been with her since she was a little girl. She’s not sure when he’ll give her another opportunity to talk, though, so she continues tentatively. “Michael told me the truth about what happened in England,” she says quietly. “I figured as much.” “Dad, do you know how painful that was for me?” “Sydney, I had no choice, it was for your own safety. Surely you can see that now that you know the truth,” he says, his voice rising a notch. “But I wasn’t even working for SD-6 yet, and Michael wasn’t with the CIA. Do you really think that Sloane would have made the connection or even cared? Are you sure it wasn’t more personal to you?” “Sydney, think,” he says sternly. “I admit that I wasn’t thrilled to learn that my eighteen year old daughter was living with a man quite a few years older than her, but it wasn’t my motivation for separating you the way I did. Do you think that Sloane didn’t know William Vaughn? He did, and he would have easily made the connection, as I did. And yes, it would have been cause for concern for him. Do you think that recruiting you was a whim? Not that I knew it then, but Sloane had intended to recruit you from the time that I became involved in SD-6. If he had discovered your relationship with Michael, it would have put us all be in jeopardy.” “But Michael’s only connection to the CIA at that point was his father, and he had been dead for almost twenty years. How could that put us in jeopardy?” “Sydney, I think that Sloane would have seen it as too much of a co-incidence that you would be involved with the son of a former CIA agent. I see it as too much of a co-incidence.” “You don’t think it was an accident that we met?” she asks, surprised. She never would have considered that. She admits to herself that it was a co-incidence that she met the son of a CIA agent when she, unknowingly, was the daughter of another. But these kind of co-incidences happen all the time. Francie met a guy at a party one time, and it turned out that he used to live next door to her aunt in Florida. This is no different. Besides, she met Michael through Anne, and Sydney is positive that Anne had no idea her dad was CIA, let alone Michael’s dad. “I don’t know,” Jack answers vaguely, and she suspects that he’s hiding something. “Dad, what aren’t you telling me?” “Nothing, Sydney. Look, I have to get back to work. Was there anything else?” he asks, effectively evading her question. “Just my concerns about you being my handler.” “I told you that it’s not up for discussion,” he says firmly. “Then no,” she says distractedly, still pondering what it is that he’s keeping from her. “Then I’ll be in touch,” he says, standing up. Without saying anything further, he leaves the room. Sydney sits at the table, thinking. She knows there’s something
more to her father’s suspicions about the way that she and Michael
met, and she’s going to find out what it is.
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